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May 26, 2002 ( Sunday, May 26, 2002 ) I've finally realized that I actually dread writing in this thing. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I can't write what I want to write because if I did, I would probably have an angry mob chasing me through the dark alleys of Cranbrook (as few as there are, it could be scary). I have found a pattern in the recent months. One week I'm good with family and work and I'm having a shit-ass time with friends, then the next week it's almost the complete opposite. There are days where I crave either being completley alone or surrounding myself with complete strangers. Anybody but the people that I am supposed to care so deeply for. And I'm not trying to say that I don't care about my friends, because I do. It's just that. Well. If you're reading this you're probably understanding what I'm getting at. I don't want to be one of the outcasts in our slowly dwindling group of companions. It seems that once a week, a target is made and that person is excluded or talked about so feircely behind their back that they no longer mean anything. I don't want to be that person, I don't want to be in the group of people that DO that. But you're either one or the other. You're either with or against. I just wish that people would stop feeding each other stories and lies and saying a bunch of bullshit just to form a sort of sacred friendship. A friendship used to pretty much flaunt to the others that it is present. Almost to say " I can make friends better than you can, just because I know how to lie through my teeth." A person should say something only if they mean it. Not just for something to say, not to make another person alter their opinion on something or someone. I hate being a part of this disfunctional (sorry to use such a harsh word but you have to admit that it fits) group. We all complain, but we're all so afraid to say anything. Aren't friends the kind of people you should be able to say anything to? Regardless of what it is and who you're talking to? Maybe we aren't friends. Maybe we're like trees and we just happen to be in the same spot at the same time. Maybe....just maybe this will all end. |
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