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November 04, 2003 ( Tuesday, November 04, 2003 ) Wow... I'm in a "I love you everyone" mood right now. And no, I haven't been drinking. I watched 8 Simple Rules and it put me in a strange mood. It's weird how a television show can put so many things into perspective. People just get taken whenever...I could die in my sleep tonight and what would I leave behind? Possessions...I mean, I hope I have made a deep enough impact on people's lives that I would be missed...well, I know I would missed but you know what I mean. I hope I've done something worthwhile.... I think the weirdest/eeriest/saddest part of my whole night was while watching the show, which was about death and coping with loss, my aunt (really, my mom's best friend) phoned to say that her mom had just died. My parents weren't home and I was like..."oh, my god..." I couldn't believe it...It's eerie...it's creepy...It makes me want to apologize to anyone I've ever hurt so that if something were to happen, I would be guilt free. I was also thinking how much better it feels knowing that everyone knows who I am. Scott talked about this before too, he didn't want something to happen and for people to never know who he was, or who he loved. I feel the same way. On that note, I did tell my mom. On Sunday. She took it well. She didn't cry, I did though. She's strong, and she knew exactly what to say. She knows that it's nothing she did wrong, it's nothing that she can change. She did say she was worried about me. She's worried that I'm going to get hurt...I don't know if she meant mentally,emotionally, or physically..but she wants me to make sure I always keep my eyes open. I think she's worried that I'm going to tell the wrong person, and that something will happen. I can't say that I haven't thought about that, but I try not too. I know that people don't agree with who I am, and I know that some people don't like it to the point where they might even kill someone, but I don't focus on that. I look at all the people who I have told, and all the people who I know I can turn to, and that helps me through. So...again, I thank you all. I love you all..... "Dream like you'll live forever, live like you'll die tomorrow" |
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