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January 23, 2006 ( Monday, January 23, 2006 ) Where to begin. Just a few days ago I sat down to update the blog and I couldn't really think of anything substantial to write about and now it seems like I can't even get my thoughts streamlined into a cohesive sentance. On Saturday my Grandma had a massive stroke followed by a series of seizures. I don't really know how to handle it. I don't know whether to believe this could be her time to go or that she can pull through this. A couple years ago she had an aneurism and almost died but she made it through that. This has put my whole heart and head into a state of suspension. My heart is sending ripples of anxiety due to my fear of having the phone ring and the caller I.D. say that it's from my parents house. On saturday my mom called to say that my Grandma wasn't doing too well and that I should come and visit. By the time I got there 911 had been called and everything was a little chaotic. I've seen clients have seizures and I thought that I could handle it if I saw my Grandma have one but when it happened I couldn't do it. Supposedly she'll be ok. That's what the doctors told us, that's what the nurses told us. But I just don't know. It's hard to go to her room at the seniors home where she lives. In fact, the very seniors home that she worked at as a nurse 30 years ago. It's hard to go there and see that her belongings and keepsakes have been whittled down to photographs and some flowers. It's hard to see the accomplished woman she is just by peeking your head in her room. She is a strong woman, seperated and then reunited with her family. Being there for 3 children, 5 grandchildren, and 1 (soon to be 2) great grandchild. She was a hard worker but always showed me that life was worth living. She was a globe-trotter in her finer days, travelling to Egypt, Jersulem, Germany, London, Norway, Hawaii, and countless other places. She taught me how to bowl, how to play cards, how to wash dishes. There is a distance there now, that was created when she first started experiencing Dementia (an alzheimers type disease). I had to seperate the memories and feelings that I shared with her from before that time and start a new relationship with the grandmother who now couldn't remember my name. I knew that she knew me. Everytime that I would go to visit she looked at me with love and understanding. I know that she knew who I was even if she couldn't say it. I hope that this will work out. On top of that distressing news, I found last night that my parents dog, Cole, had been poisoned and there's a good chance that he won't survive. It's strange how attached you can get to animals, and my parents have only had Cole for maybe a couple years, but I love that dog. He has such a personality, with his tooth that sticks out of his lip. I hope he too will be alright. |
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